Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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