We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
