Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
third nipple confirmed
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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