How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize