Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
