He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
