Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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