the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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