Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
