Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize