can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
