tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
