Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
