Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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