I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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