Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
