then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize