I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
