i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
