dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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