Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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