You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just blew my weed a kiss
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
