i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
