I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
