the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
