He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
