I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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