The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
