a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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