totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize