well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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