It's Friday. Sex?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
