I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize