What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
