dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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