He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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