I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
