good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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