I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
