Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
