Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
