addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
