your room smells of hookers.
And success
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
