when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
