Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
