A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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