wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
this is an emotional support booty call
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
