I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize