went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
