did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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