God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
