I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
