You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
