saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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