we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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