I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
