You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
