just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
