I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
