You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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