you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
