So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize