I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
