he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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