How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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