Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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