I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
