i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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