Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
