Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
