so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
