im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
