tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
