you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
