you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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